The Time is Now

I am grateful for today.


I turned 40 a month ago. Although in my heart and in my mind I still feel 28, my slow metabolism and creaking knees tell me otherwise--that I can no longer just skip a meal to lose 5 lbs and that 3 flights of stairs cannot be my only exercise for the day.


Looking back at the past decade, I feel I gained some wisdom from all my experiences, but at the same time am as clueless as ever. I am wise enough to know some of the universal laws on thoughts and attitudes, forgiveness and letting go, but making this a way of life is still a struggle. Maybe I'm a closet drama queen or just perennially in denial, in any case, I know that now is a good a time as any to start walking the talk. And I shall begin with the so-called "attitude of gratitude".


It all starts with being grateful. So they say. Count your blessings. Because how the heck can you let yourself wallow in self-pity when you are blessed with so very, many kind and loving people in your life? Okay, so maybe they're really not that many but even just one person can make all the difference. And it doesn't even have to be another person. You have yourself and you have your God. 


I have me. I have me because I have God. Not to be preachy but I am very grateful for another chance at life. Two years ago, in December of 2009, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. It was stage 1 going on stage 2. With the diagnosis and the surgery that followed it was the end of my dream of having a child of my own. Sure, there wasn't any prospective father in sight (that's another story) but, you know, it's...the end. So on what could have been the darkest time in my life, I found peace and I found faith. And I found my strength through the support of my family. They really are the coolest! 


So after this chapter, life went back to the way it was. All work, no "me" time. Screwed up priorities yet again. I am always torn between wanting to start anew and forget about the cancer because I am healed; and reminding myself each and every day of the miracle I was given. Anyway, I told you I'm still kinda messed up.

But like I said, the time is now...to make sense of life and to have a life. Sure, this is partly due to mid-life crisis, crazy hormones and early menopause. But hopefully, blogging will help bring forth realizations...for me and maybe even for someone out there in the same rescue boat on a vast, wavy ocean as me.